by Yasmeen Ali, LPC
For just a second, imagine you’re in your 20s again. If you haven't reached your 20s yet, picture what that stage of life would feel like. For some, it may look like a time of excitement, new beginnings, and independence taking shape. For others, a bittersweet cloud of confusion, dread, and uncertainty.
Upon reflecting, what would you have changed? And how could you possibly have known everything you do now, at that age? We tell ourselves it will all work out and that we’ll figure it out. Oftentimes, yes, we do. But the reality is, it’s not always an easy path to get there.
Through my work as a therapist working with adolescents and young adults, the idea of transitioning out of high school and college can be a roller coaster of emotions. The dreadful ACT, college applications, resume building, maintaining a high GPA, among many other responsibilities - it’s certainly not easy. Add the common questions of “Where are you going to college?” or “What are your plans after you graduate?” and the pressure can boil over. These uncomfortable feelings lead to the beginning of what we know as “the quarter-life crisis”.
Many young adults are expected to make major life decisions shortly after high school or college, without much life experience to guide them. But what happens if they choose a career path and later realize it no longer aligns with who they are and what they want? The fear that it may be too late to change directions can fuel self-doubt and the feeling of falling behind. The irony is that societal expectations are for young adults to have this all sorted out, as they enter one of the most uncertain periods of their lives.
On top of that, as we know, very few things in life are free. Young adults are pushed to get an education to better themselves and their future, while most will be faced with a mountain of student loan debt waiting at the finish line. All while having the expectation to land a good-paying job after graduating and the demand to become financially independent. With all the external factors and expectations, young adults may begin to question, who am I living for? Myself, or someone else? Success looks different for everyone, and we should make room for the various paths taken to achieve it.
Lastly, there’s social media—the double-edged sword. While it can foster connection and celebrate meaningful milestones, it also makes it easy to compare our everyday realities to carefully curated highlight reels. A graduation announcement on Instagram, an engagement post, or a promotion shared on LinkedIn can create the impression that everyone else is reaching life's milestones on schedule. Psychologist Leon Festinger described this tendency through social comparison theory, which explains how people evaluate themselves by comparing themselves to others.1 Rather than measuring our growth against who we were yesterday, we can become consumed with measuring our lives against someone else's highlight reel.
The psychological toll that the quarter-life crisis takes on individuals is also worth discussing. The pressure to make the "right" decisions about education, careers, finances, and relationships can contribute to significant anxiety, especially when those choices feel permanent. As young adults begin to question whether they are pursuing goals for themselves or to meet the expectations of others, feelings of self-doubt and insecurity can emerge. For some, this ongoing uncertainty may also contribute to low motivation, hopelessness, or symptoms of depression, particularly when they feel stuck or believe they have fallen behind.
Notwithstanding the negative impacts of the quarter-life crisis, it can also serve an important purpose. It can be used as a time for reflection rather than critiques or an evolving journey rather than a permanent one. Oftentimes, it invites a person to slow down and learn to feel okay with not having the perfect answer so early in life. An extended invitation to recognize that it’s okay to follow a path that looks different than that of our peers.
So, to anyone experiencing the effects of the quarter-life crisis, I welcome you to take deep breath and recognize that this is not a sign of failure, but rather a sign of progress. You are not behind, and there is no universal timeline you must follow. Having the courage to pause, reflect, and redefine success on your own terms may be one of the most meaningful steps you take toward building a life that truly feels like your own. Furthermore, with the school year quickly approaching and the idea of having to face some tasks and decisions that may have been filled with dread, I want to encourage you to tackle these challenges with confidence and resilience. Embrace the upcoming academic year as an opportunity to grow, accomplish, and take on new beginnings.
Garcia, S., & Halldorsson, A. (2022). Social comparison – an introduction to social psychology. Thomas Edison State University. https://opened.tesu.edu/introsocialpsychology/chapter/social-comparison/